Gorgeous Little Expensive Things
— Spring 2004 Style

As the days lengthen and temperatures rise, and the new year quickens pace, you kick back to ponder the larger, more important of life’s issues, like “It’s spring, I’m shallow, and I’d hate to be a social outcast like that clueless wonder walking past (cute bottom, though) because of my ‘so-last-season’ wardrobe”. What’s hot this spring? Trench coats- yay, or nay? Is Kelly-green the new Candy-pink? Gucci, or Dior? Cash, or credit?

The transformation of an image from ‘pitiful’ to capital P ‘Princess’, from ‘lumberjack’ to ‘lickable’, is as simple as spending a lot of money. Yes! It’s that simple! Seriously though, help yourself (and those who have to look at you) this season by accenting what you own with something others will criticise only out of jealousy. With the new season's accessories- it's not about what you want, but what you wish you could afford. So remember that it’s not the size of the label that matters, it’s how you use it.

Bad taste doesn’t discriminate, but strangers do. Tizzy-up your two thousand yen Pachinko parlour Uniclo sweatsuit with a well-informed, well-placed dash of flair (that’s French for ‘flair’ kids). Here follows a Chanel to Vuitton guide to spring sensations for snappy south-of-the-shoulders couture for girls and boys alike.

‘Tis the season for new life, new styles, and new lovely unaffordable possessions. Giddy colours, gleaming crystals, and reincarnated crocodiles make a splash while Pocahontas fringes, metallics and breathtaking pythons slide to the fore. The remaining fashion field is handed over to the Sporty-Spice in all of us. Relax that sceptical eyebrow. The largest, most influential fashion houses in the world have shown their wares, and this is what’s coming to a boutique near you.

Artistic director Karl Lagerfeld has balls on the brain for the Chanel ready-to-wear collection Stamped with the double ‘C’ logo, billiard balls are the newest clasps for the season's calfskin bags. They don’t call him ‘five-ball Lagerfeld’ for nothing. Quilted bags are revisited as are the leather and metal shoulder straps The 80s are still lingering in the present under the guise of vinyl record shaped bags and videotape case clutches. The ball keeps rolling with matching black and white wrist wear for the girls and lads with small hands. A puzzling and unexpected addition to the collection is the multi-coloured leather Rubik’s Cube bag. It's all fun and games really.

Quick quiz for fashion aficionados: What rhymes with ‘trick’ and starts with ‘D’? Why, Galliano's new collection for Christian Dior of course. Named ‘D-trick’ after John's masculine-muse Marlene Dietrich, Dior depicts the classy and brassy 40s with straight-lined and aged metallic leather bags. Classless and brass-less gals may opt instead for the "Ballet" bag, a girlish delight styled after a tutu with flouncing folds of sugar-pink.

Delicious! Making their debut are a series of interchangeable shoulder straps that can be used as accessories (a pearl necklace, a fur stole, a dog-leash perhaps) or handles on a selection of bags. Suma beach calling? Take the attention away from your bikini line with one of the Dior label infused beach bags or rucksacks. Bling is King in the ‘Diorlywood’ range of Lucite jewellery, ideal for Divas and Drama-Queens. Blind passers-by with these dazzling crystal-encrusted baubles.

Ahoy! Get ‘Captain’ to steer the yacht to the nearest Armani store because Giorgio daytrips it to the sand dunes in true Tottori tradition this spring. He has utilised a colour scheme as vastly expressive as the ocean and the marine life within- black and white, navy and white, and a little bit of red. The clean lines and general seaman smartness are somewhat ‘Popeye’ meets ‘Fire Island’. A visit from the cast of ‘The Little Mermaid’ helps though, with dolphins, lobsters, starfish, and anchors charming the bag collection. Bakelite and painted wood bangles resemble life preservers i.e. the rubber tube kind, not the tall suntanned kind, unfortunately.

The red and white striped beach sandals simply scream ‘Fish & Chips’. Items that scream no such thing are the wedge heels adorned with varying shades of glittering Swarovski-crystals. Footwear that is merely screaming for attention are the gold and red leather sneakers. Costly, useful, and just a tad shy of the international standard for ‘Tawdry’.

High-voltage colour-freaks Stefano and Domenico, also known as Dolce & Gabbana, have scooped up all the lovely creatures with lovely skin and coloured them every shade under a blistering rainbow. After five minutes alone with D&G, eels, snakes, and crocodiles alike chose to dye rather than be seen in their natural state, opting instead for the brilliant transformation into strappy bags and strappier heels.

You may have to borrow a pair of the designers new bulbous shades to view the collection as they have grabbed every vintage Italian print in sight, chopped them up and thrown them together in fits of apple green, yellow, turquoise, violet and pink. Leather and metal clutches make an appearance with matching crocodile logo-belts. While the Native-American motif demanded suede-fringed high heeled sandals and ever functional thigh-length boots. The new shades offer an insight into what a very excited parrot flying at your face would look like.

Jungle fever hits Tom Ford of Gucci as he puts the ‘Glam’ in ‘Glamazon’ with a whole range of delectable pieces. Inspired by ‘Eve’ (well known for her role in the Holy Bible; see also: ‘Bad Apple’), he has taken forbidden pleasures and styled them into rousing renditions of Gucci classics. Electrifying satin and crocodile racing stripes of violet and lime, chocolate and pink, and purple and citrus yellow sear across the traditional ‘G’ logo purses. A costume-jeweller was recruited to bring alive and ornament Ford’s hardware of snake-head fastenings, horse bits and chain handles with costly enamels and synthetic gems. Fine slithers of gold and silver fringe embellish a purse with more shimmy than your average 50s slapper. Gilded crocodile shoes teeter on curved bamboo heels with ribbon ties or serpent-head strap bindings. It’s almost too much… almost.

Man-bags your thing? Well, this spring at Louis Vuitton more is more and less is inadequate thanks to the artistically endowed Marc Jacobs. His attention to detail has been translated into a range of meticulously crafted bags, and the bag reigns supreme at Vuitton. The famous LV monogram has been upsized, downsized, gilded, engraved, crystallised and stamped all over the place making sure everybody knows ‘It’s a Louis, darling.’

The cream of the season’s dazzling and sophisticated crop are a trio of handbags designed to cater to three very different tastes. First up, a creamy pink suede bag with a gold leather trim, gold padlocks, and a glitzy pink monogram Second in line, a thrilling turquoise leather bag frilled with leather tabs and garlanded with a golden-beaded handle. Finally, the jewel in the crown, a chocolate crocodile leather bag, stamped with an aged bronze LV stamp, and topped with a tortoiseshell and crystal chain. All three upholding the traditional class of Vuitton while embracing Jacob’s more modern accents. Oh and by the way, the new platform sandals and heels are fabulous too.

Your future favourite accessories are materializing in boutiques like unfolding flowers. Keep an eye on display windows around town, and keep the other eye on your purse-strings If these stars of the fashion universe are too far out of reach, at least the new colours, materials, and ideas will help you make an informed choice when browsing through the local Daiei clothing section.

Text: Jared Olthof • Photos: KS