Paradise Lost

Referred to as the “Venice of India,” kerala has been labeled “God’s own country” by the state government. A trip there will make you wish you'd discovered it years before.

Legend has it that Kerala was created by Parasuraman, the Hindu god who threw his bloodied axe over the Western Ghats and into the ocean after killing his mother, at that moment deciding to renounce violence. The ocean, which is often depicted in Hindu religion as a goddess, rejected the cursed axe by receding her waters. The paradise of Kerala was created as the land rose from the disappearing ocean.

Kerala, a southwestern state of India, has it all: tropical forests, beautiful beaches, backwaters, mountains scattered with tea plantations and an abundance of wildlife. I have traveled it extensively by bike and train and have had many an adventure, but one anecdote, which still boggles me to this day, has entrenched itself in my memories of the area for eternity.
I was climbing up the Western Ghats, the mountain range that runs along the western side of India, on my Royal Enfield motorcycle with my girlfriend riding pillion. The scenery was magnificent and the bike was running like a dream; I couldn’t think of any other place I’d rather be. My companion begged to differ. Constant high-pitched whining from behind about a sore bottom and hunger kept spearing my eardrums that even the sound of an extremely noisy muffler couldn’t drown it out.

Activities that require long periods of concentration (such as motorcycle riding), allow the mind to wander and conjure up images of things that are sometimes so surreal that we often shock ourselves at our ability to imagine them. The evilness I was fictitiously devising for my lady friend couldn’t have prepared me for what was about to actually happen…

Leaning smoothly into a corner, one side of my brain was reeling with excitement from the spectacular images that were zipping by me, while the other side was engaged in confusing battle with the bombardment of complaints coming from the back of the bike. It was then that it happened. A scream came form behind and I quickly realized something was not right. I pulled to the side of the road as the shrieking continued. I turned my head, only to see that sweetie’s face and hair were covered in a brown substance that was now beginning to drip off her sunglasses. “Get it off me!” she screamed, with a contorted face. On closer inspection I came to the conclusion that she was covered in shit. Smacked her straight on the head and was now sliding down to her shoulders! I looked up. Not a tree branch moving. I looked down the valley. Not a mischievous kid or animal in sight. Monkeys would be the obvious culprits, but there were none around, and the sheer amount of dung could in no way be pinned to a single monkey. I personally have two theories: God answered my prayers and rocketed it down from the heavens (like a holy missile), or Indian Airlines had introduced “train-like” toilets to their domestic flights–the straight-to-the-tracks type.

But don’t let this put you off going to Kerala. I am certain this was a one-off occurrence!

The backwaters of Kerala should be high on your list of things to see. They are a series of canals and lakes that form more than 900 kilometers of waterways and estuaries. A lazy trip down one of these feels like you’re driving on a golf fairway, the ferry gliding over a blanket of water hyacinths that completely cover some of the minor canals, giving the illusion of billiard table felt. Kettuvallams (river boats once used for carrying grain) are made of a wood and are covered with a bizarrely shaped thatched roof, and are approximately 30-meters long. Nowadays, many of them have been converted into luxurious houseboats with modern amenities including electricity and Western-style toilets–more than likely the straight-to-the-tracks type.

The beaches in Kerala on the Arabian Sea are fabulous. A favorite is Kovalam, just outside of Trivandrum, the state capital. It has been a tourist destination since the hippy days, and today there are several kinds of accommodation available, and also a handful of beach restaurants. Food in the area ranges from traditional Indian cuisine to local seafood char-grilled in tandoor ovens. 60km to the north you’ll find the stunning cliffs of Varkala, with superb views and beautiful sandy beaches.

Munnar is a hill town up in the Western Ghats, and is one of my favorite places in Kerala. Situated 1600-meters above sea level, the air is moist, with plenty of sunshine providing the perfect climate for tea growing. The hilltops are literally blanketed with plantations. Tea growing began in the region back in 1887 when the Maharaja of the area leased 588sq km of land to a British lawyer, who basically cleared the thick jungle that covered it and built a tea plantation. It still produces tea today. There is a particularly English atmosphere in Munnar, and I was impressed when the Indian bank manager invited me into his office just to change a traveler’s check. He was small in stature and was sporting jodhpurs, a smoking jacket and a gravity-defying handlebar moustache. He insisted that I take a seat on the “settee,” then asked me if I would “like a cup of tea” in an English accent that would put some of the mother country’s finest aristocracy to shame.



Kochin, an area on the coast, is the main entry point to the backwaters and is certainly worth a couple of nights stay, especially to check out the harbor and its unique Chinese fishing net system and constant flow of vessels. A show of the classical Indian dance-drama Kathakali is also a must-see. The dance involves precise hand and feet movements and extreme facial contortions, not unlike Japanese kabuki. The unique makeup that performers wear is made from natural products and is applied by the dancers themselves, and the procedure can be viewed at special times before shows.

Thekkady is a nature reserve in the middle of the state, up in the high plains, and is littered with wildlife. A boat cruise on Lake Periyar will almost guarantee a glimpse of some of the 900-1000 Asian elephants that inhabit the area, cooling and washing in the water. But if you really need to quench your thirst for adventure, a three-day tiger tour accompanied by armed park officials is a good way to get your blood pressure up. There is no guarantee of course, but I was lucky enough to spot one right at the last hour of the tour, which made getting torn to shreds by undiscovered crazy insects that bit more worthwhile!

Traveling in India is not for the fainthearted, and if motorcycling isn’t for you, keep in mind the country has the most dangerous roads in the world. Government buses are a nightmare, but shockingly entertaining. Private buses can be great, but make sure they don’t have video–unless you’re into three-hour long Bollywood epics played full-bore through bad speakers. The long-distance trains, though, are somewhat romantic! Navigating India’s cities is half the fun, and fighting with motorized rickshaw drivers over prices is always a challenge. You’ll then wish you’d never gotten in the three-wheeled death trap, as you’re veered through streets and alleyways in pinball-like chaos. The place we know and love as “Mother India”.

by Luke Hunter